Planning Labour and Delivery

I've been thinking of labour and delivery for many days. Not with any fear, just to plan what to expect and make my desires clear to the doctor and things like that. Then why do I say not with fear? Because every pregnancy site seems to talk about this with fear as the main theme. Strange. I thought these guys were trying to reassure people, but that's for another day.

My dilemma was different. I was reading about all these wonderful things to keep in mind - natural birth, freedom of movement, skin to skin contact immediately after birth, breastfeeding, and what not.

This morning, I woke up in a 'what will be will be' space.

Each "maternity home" I spoke with this about seems to have a similar take on things, which is described as "out-dated" on most sites - free to move till birth is imminent, and then on your back with your legs wide you go. They are happy not to feed your kid, but if your milk doesn't seem to be coming down, they 'recommend against' letting the baby go hungry, etc. That kind of stuff.

One thing I can do is educate myself online, make demands on the maternity homes, and overall become a problem patient that takes them out of their zone of practiced efficiency. It has the added bonus of driving me insane trying to figure out details of an experience I'm clueless about.

Without any of those fancy articles to tell me, I can straightaway predict some results from that:

• The staff is going to be distracted by my demands
• The staff is either going to resent being ordered around by an inexperienced patient with a 'know-it-all' complex, or they are going to wonder what their next step will be, all through.
• Its going to add stress to me, knowing that the staff don't have a routine in place for what I want.
• Its going to stress the husband, who's already a certified wimp about me being in pain and force him to keep in mind things and get into arguments in a time when I'd rather he focus on me and the kid and celebrate the moment.
• An unpracticed team is less efficient, and more importantly, I'm not a part of it, so suggestions taking them out of their comfort zone in a high stress time are not exactly going to be welcome - this is not the best 'care' plan for myself.

So now what? I've got this beautiful image of a perfect delivery, which seems to be a little skewed by reality. Even the doctor being pro-natural birth doesn't mean anything in an emergency.  What do I do?

Well..... I follow my rule for dealing with tough situations - I suck it in, and know that I can deal with ANYTHING short-term. Going to the absolute worst-case scenario, where I lie on my back and give birth to a kid I get to hold after being cleaned only. So what? It will hurt - d'uh like it won't in other positions? The kid will fare better - that's a joke, right? I mean its not like doing this one thing will guarantee an awesome life for the kid. Nor is it the only thing I can do to ensure that result.

What I think I need to do is take the stress out of the game for a less painful experience all around. I need to look at what makes me not fear labour.

Its simple. I know it will hurt. I know I want to go natural, so I'm probably going to feel every moment of it. On the other hand, I've have a 'track-history' of living through tough times all my life (haven't died yet). Also, look at the population of the world. Whatever agony there is, its obviously short term, or we wouldn't have people around. Short term I can do.

And then, there is always the option of screaming the place down until they do something for my pain :D

Helps to know I won't be helpless.

Helps to know I will have Raka with me and he is not going to love me any less no matter what choices I make.

Helps to know the doctor has a reputation for being pro-natural birth, and has been known to coach people through tough moments rather than reach for the needle.

So, I will move as I like till someone tells me to get my bottom on the table. So, I will, when the baby is born, if I have the energy left, ask to hold it before they do whatever they have to. I doubt if anyone is going to tell a mother that she can't hold her baby in that moment - this is better than planning a demand. If I don't have the energy, Raka will ask to hold her. If it doesn't happen, so be it.

Just last month, I'd been reading about preemies who weren't held by their parents for weeks after they were born, who are growing up healthy. No matter what, I'll sure hold mine before that much time passes. What's a couple of hours in the greater scheme of things?

The same goes for breastfeeding. Sure, I want to breastfeed my child. Sure I don't want it to get anything other than breast milk for 6 months. However, if my milk is slow in coming down (or whatever their measure of a hungry baby is), they are not going to give my little one anything poisonous with the awesome reputation they have. They do have a reputation for supporting breastfeeding too. The little one and I will suck it up, and work with it in another couple of days when we are home free.

Who knows how the shangrila from the articles translates into practical life? Since all of them seem to agree, it seems to be 'the correct' look at things. Yet, most articles also agree that a woman in her 29th week (or similar) starts thinking about breastfeeding, snoozer pillows and other pregnancy pillows are God's planned way for pregnant women to sleep, etc. This couldn't be farther than the truth - I've been thinking about breastfeeding ever since a friend brought up the subject in my first trimester, tried all kinds of pillows and what works for me is my husband (there's more psychology than ability to relieve discomfort in getting me to crash).  Obviously more a case of lack of originality than the ultimate voice of truth in these sites.

Sure, to some extent, we get suckered into the whole unconscious set up. For example, I AM writing this blog (like the pregnancy sites recommend - though they probably do it to get free content and traffic for their site), I am writing this post in my 30th week of pregnancy, I did speak of fear related to labour, even though I don't feel it.... somewhere, too much exposure to these unconscious patterns sucks us into the scene.

Anyway, this skepticism of mine extends to those perfect labours as well. The information is all good, but when there is a mismatch between imagination and reality, I'm not going to stress over how to make reality match imagination, but simply go with the flow, and ask for what I need where possible, and see where it takes me.

Miracles can happen

Oh, the big worry on my mind about which maternity home to choose got miraculously resolved today, when I went for a third appointment with the "busy one".

True to form, I met yet another doctor (I haven't had two appointments with any doctor there yet - each time its a new one). Disappointed, but resigned to this phenomenon, I went through the checkup. I asked my concerns, which are considerable at this point, since I've really bee thirsting for a good, reassuring conversation with a competent doctor.

Miracle of miracles, the doctor actually listened and patiently answered all my queries. What's more, the main doctor, whom I'd met in my first meeting met me briefly after the consultation to address any further concerns I may have. I almost felt like pinching myself.

• Turns out, the back pain I get is a fact of life only curable by delivery. They can prescribe painkillers if I can't bear it, but they recommend against the use. She made several suggestions regarding sleeping positions.
• The pelvic pain and the pain in the lower left side of the stomach that appears while turning sides in bed, standing on one foot to get dressed and other movements is another fact of life which is quite common in pregnancy. They gave me some vitamin stuff to help the pain resolve, though there were no guarantees, and like the other pain, they said that painkillers were not a good idea.
• My swelling feet is another fact of life, and the most I could do was keep them elevated, massage, drink lots of water, cut down on salt, etc. As long as my blood pressure was not spiking, it was all good and normal.
• Sleepless nights were yet another fact of life (which I kinda knew). A suggestion to have a warm bath just before bed helps.

Needless to say, I'm feeling much better about the medical situation now. Pain is not an issue, so much as having someone take a look at it and reassure me that there is no mysterious crisis looming is. Pain I can bear. No issue at all.

Thus, I now know that bad as my symptoms seem, they are all normal side effects of pregnancy. Great!

On a different note, the baby now seems to recognize excited noises - cheering of the audience at a match on TV, laughter from an audience at some show... If I react the slightest to it, there is a storm of kicking, as though it is joining in whatever the celebration is.

My kid after all, doesn't matter what the celebration is - happy to celebrate.

First Doctor's Visit

I decide on going to Mamta Maternity home.

I've been here once before, when my mother-in-law met the doctor for some breast related problem. I'd accompanied her, and I remember a long wait in an outdoor shaded area with mosquitoes biting me.

I decided to go in the morning to avoid the mosquitoes, and took along something to read.

Raka, my husband came along.

We had called in with an appointment, but it didn't mean much, as we still ended up waiting for an hour and a half after arriving on time.

Patience is not a virtue I have.

The doctors visit was nothing like I imagined. I had fantasies of an attentive, informative doctor, who would be a reassuring presence in my life for the coming months. No such thing happened.

When we went in, the doctor was on the phone, and talking with someone (assistant?) on the side. She nodded at us to sit, and we explained about why we were there, once she finished the call.

I put my test reports in front of her, and she scanned them briefly, giving me the impression that she hadn't expected such an early scan and thought it unnecessary. I felt reprimanded about this initiative, though she didn't really say anything. I had been anxious to 'see', after my earlier miscarriage. I had constant anxiety that something would go wrong.

When I shared this, she nodded absently, while scribbling something on a pad and telling me to go behind the screen for being examined as she reached out to her phone which had started ringing again. My husband was just sitting there, not understanding a thing.

The assistant came around and told me to strip waist down, and I lay on the table covered with a sheet, listening to the doctor on the phone again. From what I could hear, she was probably speaking with a friend/family about something casual. She walked in with the phone still tucked behind her ear, and put on gloves and did a vaginal exam, nodded and walked out. The assistant told me I could put on my clothes again.

Feeling a little lost, as the doctor from my earlier pregnancy had recommended avoiding anything vaginal unless necessary, I did as asked, all the time wondering if it had registered that I had miscarried before.

We came out, and the assistant checked my blood pressure and got in an empty file and put in the sheet the doctor had been writing on.

The doctor then told me to take a folic acid supplement. I replied I was taking Folvite, and she recommended another instead of it, as better. Whatever. She said that she had prescribed another tablet for vaginal use every night. Oooookay....

She turned back to her phone and we were supposedly dismissed. No asking if I had any symptoms, nothing. Mention of my smoking history earned a frown and she said to stop smoking. Duh! Like I hadn't figured out that one myself?

The assistant explained that I should have got some more informative printouts in my file, but someone from their staff had not come in that day, and I should collect them the next time I come.

On my way out, some nurse checked my weight.

That's it. Doctor's visit.

Raka was furious. He had expected more attention, particularly after knowing of the earlier miscarriage. We hadn't really found the doctor wanting to know anything at all about my condition, concerns, or even questions that I may have.

I was lost. I knew exactly as much about my pregnancy as I had while walking in. In fact, my memories of my doctors visit from 2 years ago were more informative than what we had just experienced, and we were utterly disappointed with our experience.

My mother-in-law ws shocked at how negative we were about that doctor, who is considered to be the best in our area. To be honest, there never seemed to be any doubt of her competence. She seemed to know exactly what she was doing. The problem was that we didn't know what she was up to vis a vis us.

Perhaps she was just having a bad day, but that didn't reassure us any about putting the fate of our precious one in her hands. Who knew if she was even paying attention to something that might signal a risk?

We had been asked to return after a month with a bunch of results from tests she had recommended, so we decided to look around to see what options we had.