11 weeks ultrasound

The doctor wanted me to do an ultrasound at the end of my first trimester. I guess, I couldn't wait. I did one today.

The new ultrasound laboratory we had been referred to by my new doctor was wonderful. It was awful to wait with a full bladder, but what an ultrasound!

The doctor was completely "into" the process. Looking at everything in detail, examining, measuring, sharing what he saw with me...... For the first time it felt that I was able to see my baby clearly and through the efforts of someone who cared to ensure that everything was as it should be.

An email sent to a friend that evening:

Had another ultrasound. The technician was a star. What could have been another visit of trying to make sense of a grainy blob became magical when he initiated conversation with me and pointed out how it was moving (I'd thought it was because the machine was moving), its size, how things were normal, heartbeat again.... we watched the baby for a bit as he tried to get the best pics for the report, but in that search, we saw three distinct movements a wriggle kind of thing, a kick kind of thing, and a very definite bumping movement with its bottom. Wow!!!

First time I saw the guy, and I was so caught up with the magic, I didn't even notice that it was a rather intimate contact for an excited conversation between strangers :D I hope I get that technician each time I need an ultrasound.

Another voluntary ultrasound

Still feeling very lost and resourceless, haunted by memories of the earlier miscarriage, I found myself needing reassurance that my baby was okay.

My visit to the doctors had been hopelessly uninformative, and I was feeling lost and helpless to know if my baby was okay.

It was silly, I knew, what would be would be, but today, for Valentine's Day, I treated myself to an ultrasound for reassurance purposes. The ultrasound technician was also not a very involved guy, or particularly interested in seeing much detail (or perhaps, how much detail can you see in a grain of rice through loads of flesh?) and I was vaguely irritated with him for not making much of an effort about the whole thing. He came to know that we hadn't seen the heartbeat in the previous ultrasound, and that was pretty much the only thing he looked for (165.71 bmp) other than the CRL (13.3mm) and cervix (3.5cm). Whatever, I knowing my baby's heart was beating and size was okay was what I needed.

Maybe it was a waste of money, but here is an email I sent to a close friend after the ultrasound.

Hi,

True to my paranoia, I was very worried about my baby today. I do it every 3 days or so, but this time, I had the possibility of doing an 8week ultrasound for the heart beat to reassure myself. I guess the last experience left more of a mark on me than I guessed. So I decided to treat myself to a Valentine's day gift - an ultrasound, though I had planned to stay away from the things unless necessary - heard that its not such a wonderful thing after all, though not evil.

What a beautiful experience. S/he was moving. I couldn't really understand it, it was all a blob in a circle, but the technician remarked that it was "active" - whatever that means, making getting a clearer image difficult. What do you expect from a kid of ours? Call it heriditary. He tuned in to the heartbeats, and I thought it was some machine error. Sounded more like the fast panting of a dog trying to go "sh...sh" - very fast 158BPM to 164BPM. I asked him if it was the heart beat when the monitor started showing rhythmic bumps and he seemed to be measuring them and it was. Blame the hormones, but I had tears in my eyes. I had feared the absence of that heart beat like the last time.

Also, unlike the last time, the dates I claim and the dates the ultrasound assesses match. This guy/gal is right how its supposed to be.

Spent an hour after returning staring at the prints, grinning. Now I know its definitely hormones - I have never needed more than a brief scan through to understand any data, and here I was staring at pictures of a blob and repetitive sound waves and reading the same "report" again and again, which basically says no more than all is as it should be. All my intelligence must be going to the kid, if I'm becoming so dumb.

Waiting for Raka to come home. I'm sure he needs to know this too. Happy Valentine's day to both the three of us!!!

And huge noisy kisses, major hugs and buckets of love and all that to you too!

Love,

Vidyut

See, what a difference one test can make?

Definitely pregnant

Can't fool myself anymore. Second test postitive.

No clue how to proceed. Been disgustingly healthy and haven't needed a doctor for years, for anything beyond tetanus shots, which I can walk in and get anywhere.

The gynaec from the earlier time, when I had miscarried, is far from my home, and I have sad associations with going there.

I decide to visit a "materinity home" near my house, which is quite popular and has a good reputation for the competence of its doctors, and their preference for natural births. This is what I would want, I think.

I go to the local lab, and get the pregnancy test done professionally, in any case. When they ask, I also opt for an ultrasound confirmation (6 weeks), which shows pretty much nothing that makes sense other than a gestational sac confirming a pregnancy - not even a heartbeat.

I'll go to the doctor with the reports in my hand tomorrow.